Is Venting Hurting Your Relationship?

We've all had those days, where it just seems like everything has gone wrong and the Universe is conspiring against our happiness. This happens frequently in relationships, and we sometimes "just need to vent." But science is showing us that depending on how you go about venting, you may actually be hurting your relationship.

What we may call venting, can actually be divided into a few different behaviors depending on the desired outcome. Venting, letting off some steam in order to find a solution to a problem, can be a good way to relieve stress. However, people who consistently ruminate - dwell on negative circumstances without ever finding resolution - actually have higher levels of depression, and are less likely to find solutions to their problems.

Similarly, when people co-ruminate - or dwell on negative situations, behaviors, or characteristics of a partner to friends or family - there can really be some really detrimental outcomes. Studies have shown that individuals who participate in these behaviors are actually strengthening their relationship with the person they're ruminating with, but weakening the relationship with the person they're ruminating about. Eventually, if this happens long enough, it can escalate to what's called triangulation - bringing a third person into relationship matters. This becomes especially harmful in romantic relationships as the co-ruminators gang up on the third party. When spouses only vent negatively about each other to family members, it begins to form negative perceptions on the family's part, builds an alliance against the spouse and weakens the marital bond.

In maintaining strong relationships, it's important to resolve problems directly with your partner, or with appropriate individuals such as mental health professionals. This keeps others from "siding" with you and against your partner, allowing you to maintain the integrity of your relationship.

What strategies do you use to make sure that when you're venting it moves toward finding a solution?